Bombshells, Part 1

There are things you know in your heart, but convince yourself otherwise in your mind. It's something that I do frequently. Last night it caught up with and completely overwhelmed me.

One of my best friends, Greg, had been out of town for a week, road tripping on the east coast, and had just got home. We were spending the day together: catching up, hanging out, enjoying each other's company. Then, at dinner, the first bomb dropped.

"So, any romantic interests?" He asked.
"I don't know. I still really like Fake-boyfriend, but I don't really think that it's going anywhere." I replied.
He stared at me for a couple seconds, obviously trying to figure out exactly what to say. "You know he's dating Stacy now, right?"
"No...I didn't know that."

Fake-boyfriend and I had been seeing each other for a couple weeks when we had "the talk". The talk was neither good nor bad, just a clarification. It just affirmed that, although he really liked me and enjoyed spending time with me, we were not actually dating. It was a very convoluted conversation, but it boiled down to the fact that he was very confused right now and wanted to take everything very slow. After my last disastrous relationship taking it slow sounded like a great idea.

He also wanted to make sure that I knew he was bisexual and still trying to figure out exactly what that meant to him. I knew about his bisexuality already and, though it seemed odd to bring it up, I didn't really think much about it. I had mentioned it to Greg afterwards, who told me that Fake-boyfriend had told him about it not long ago and had confided that he was attracted to one of his good, female friends, but didn't know what to do about it. At the time I simply took this at face value and decided not to let it bother me; it was me he was actually interested in after all.

For most of the summer I simply ignored the information. It just didn't matter: we had a good time together, we didn't have anything too serious, and he wasn't actively pursuing anyone else. However, as things between us began to cool off and dates became less and less frequent, despite my efforts, my mind kept coming back to this mysterious other person. I pushed the thoughts away, though. I rationalized: he's been very busy, I've been very busy, once our schedules settle down things will come together.

Well, apparently things aren't going to come together. Without a word to me he had started dating Stacy. Not once did my wandering mind think that the girl Greg had mentioned would be Stacy. Stacy was his best friend and his hag, his non-sexual life partner I had thought. Suddenly, I felt very dumb. And hurt.

I liked him, I liked him a lot. I had truly wanted something to happen with us and had convinced myself that if I just gave it time it would happen. What am I to do now? Even if I wanted to compete with her for him I wouldn't know where to start. If it was another boy I could at least try, but how do you compete with the opposite sex? I've never done it before and don't have the first clue. And I don't want to either, I wanted him to want me.

Suddenly, I'm completely back at square one.